Joystiq

Wow! We had a slow news period the week before, but this past week had a ton of major new PC game news items show up, including announcements of some new entries in classic PC game franchises. Let's look back at the past seven days together.
Exclusive Features

• The Top 10 Best LucasArts PC Games: To celebrate LucasArts' PC titles appearing on Steam we pick the the 10 best games the publisher has released over the years
• Tales Of Monkey Island: Launch of the Screaming Narwhal Review: We give the final word on this first episode in Telltale Games' revival of LucasArts' classic adventure series
• Trine Review: We give our final verdict on this downloadable puzzle-action game from Frozenbyte
• Mac Monday: Our weekly look at Mac games has two titles on the docket: Burdaloo and Swarm
• Boot Disk: Our weekly retro games feature takes a look at the original Master of Magic game
• Big Ideas: Our weekly look at game themes ask if Blizzard's hit MMO World of Warcraft will ever be toppled
• Freeware Friday: Our weekly look at free PC games takes a look at the sci-fi RPG Notrium

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Our every action over these past two weeks have felt completely inconsequential -- when measured against the action we'll be taking Tuesday night at midnight, each one just seems pointless. The action we speak of is, of course, our viewing of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince -- the latest film adaptation of J.K. Rowling's successful series of books. Oh, sorry, did we say "successful series of books?" We meant literary black tar heroin.

For the better part of the past decade, we were complete junkies for Rowling's nefarious brand of wizardly fiction. For nearly two years now, we've been without any new outlets of Pottery, leaving us with a terrible case of the shakes -- one we attempted to cure by trying to get into a certain series of vampire romance novels. Though exponentially more erotic, these didn't give us the rush we needed. Inevitably, we turned to fanfic, which turned to slashfic, which turned to cosplay, which turned slashfic cosplay. We're in a bad place, friends.

Fortunately, we no longer have to worry about the gruesome perils of House-Elf bondage, as the film is coming out in just under 50 hours. At that point, we'll have ourselves a sizable fix for another year, at which point we'll get the two-part adaptation of the final book, at which point we'll commit ritual suicide, because, c'mon -- what else is there?

- DSi: 46,855 6,970 (17.48%)
- PSP: 32,849 6,060 (22.62%)
- Wii: 24,971 3,181 (14.60%)
- PS3: 11,196 114 (1.01%)
- DS Lite: 7,507 1,912 (34.17%)
- Xbox 360: 5,876 110 (1.91%)
- PS2: 3,734 156 (4.36%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The costumed archives

If your devout WASDing-and-mousing ways have turned you into a frequent player of Call of Duty: World at War on the PC, you'll be pleased to know that Treyarch hasn't forgotten about you. The oft-downloaded Map Pack 2 that hit Xbox 360 and PS3 last month will be making its way to PCs in World at War's next update, Patch 1.5.

According to Treyarch community manager J.D. (a.k.a. JD_2020 on the Treyarch forums), the patch is "in test right now, and is looking great." For those of you who remained spitefully out of the loop on the map bundle, it includes three standard levels -- Bonsai, Corrosion and Sub Pens -- and a swampy, undead-plagued stage called "Shi No Numa," which we believe is Japanese for "Oh crap, Zombies."

[Via Evil Avatar]

We saw ol' Nate Drake do some pretty uncanny acrobatic feats in Uncharted the First, but a recent gameplay video from the sequel (posted after the jump) has led us to an unexpected realization -- dude's got super powers. In this video alone, Drake exhibits the following abilities: Wall crawling, super jumping, kung-fu grip, cold resistance and, of course, super charm.

By the looks of the stunning environments featured in this clip, we're beginning to think that the game's graphic designers are also imbued with superhuman properties. We're not sure where these artsy powers came from, but we imagine a freak Cintiq accident was involved.

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Get it? "Batty?" 'Cause it's a trailer for Batman: Arkham Asylum, the Rocksteady-developed, Warner Bros./Eidos-published Bat-brawler? Why aren't you laughing? Hey -- where ya going?! Come back! We just want to tell you about the latest video for the game, showcasing the game's many gruesome villains! Is that too much to ask?

Alright, fine, if you must go, at least hit the break and check out the trailer for yourself -- totally pun-free, we promise you. It is not, however, free of Bat-brutalizing villain introductions. No, we can't believe we just typed that either. But seriously, the game looks to be mixing the right amounts of grit and lore together, enticing us all the more for the game's release later this summer. Hopefully we'll be able to contain all our chiroptera excitement until then!

(You can go now, we understand.)

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If your appetite for caecilian destruction hasn't been satiated by the recently released Worms 2: Armageddon, you'll be pleased to know that you can now get your fill on the go with the even more recently released Worms app for the iPhone and iPod Touch.

For $4.99, it sounds like a nice little package. There's four-team multiplayer, unlockable items and over 50 challenges for the lone wolves among us to explore. Best of all, you can still customize your team names -- just keep it classy, folks. Your Weather app is watching.

We love Mario. We mean, we're somewhat contractually obligated to, being huge nerds and all. Still, there's certain stages in the core Mario games that are simply excruciating to play -- we usually skip them during our nostalgic romps. That's why we can't help but admire the efforts of three men who are playing through every Super Mario title -- collecting every star, completing every level and Shining every Get! (Err -- getting every Shine.)

They're not doing this for fun, of course -- for the second year in a row, they're running through this "Mario Marathon," collecting donations for Child's Play. They've already been at it for two days -- but with the team yet to totally complete Super Mario 64, Super Mario Galaxy, Super Mario Sunshine, then Super Mario Galaxy again (as that totally secret character), there's a lot of ballgame left to be played.

Read these webcomics later. They'll be here for the rest of eternity, but it's only going to be July 11th (or 7-11) for another 90 minutes or so. See, while most people choose to celebrate the holiday that occurred exactly one week ago, we preserve a little bit of jubilation for Free Slurpee Day, a national event hosted by participating 7-Eleven locations. Go on ahead. Grab yourself a tall, frosty beverage. Maybe pick up a big blockbuster game or two. We'll be here when you get back.

... Oh, hey! Now that you're adequately refreshed, why not pore over our seven favorite webcomics from this past week? We've arranged them in a linear fashion below. Make sure you vote for your favorite in the poll after the break once you've finished reading!

Kart Repair (Brawl in the Family)
Motion Plus (Digital Unrest)
Los Problemas (Penny Arcade)
Mingere Ex Machina (Virtual Shackles)
The Original Pokemon Master (Of Noobs and Men)
Cutting Edge (xkcd)
With Great Power (VG Cats)

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We've spoken before about how BioWare's upcoming MMO, Star Wars: The Old Republic, will be the wordiest video game in the history of mankind, but a recent article on the game's official site has given even further detail into the process behind the title's verbosification. If you've ever been interested in voice acting, it's definitely worth a read, as we're fairly certain the game will go down in VO history for its unrivaled ambition.

If the process behind the game's voice work does nothing for you, perhaps a few more numeric comparisons will float your boat -- the script, which is the size of "40+ novels" (or 10 KOTOR's!) is being voiced by over 100 voice actors in five cities, who, by the end of the project, will have performed over 1,000 four-hour recording sessions. That is a great deal of talking.

[Via Big Download]

We know you've probably bought Myst eight or nine times by this point, but we thought you'd still like to know that a new iteration will soon be available -- this time, for the PSP. Hoplite Research, who collaborated with the adventure game's original developer Cyan Worlds to put the game on DS in December 2007, is dropping the game on the PlayStation Network next Thursday. Much like the DS version, the PSP port will contain all the Myst non-action you know and love, as well as the bonus Rime Age that appeared on Nintendo's handheld.

What the press release that revealed all this information lacked, however, was a price. We've contacted Hoplite to try and discern this crucial piece of information. We'll let you know as soon as we find out.

After the King of Pop's passing last week, Joystiq has had an inordinately high volume of Michael Jackson-related stories. Day after day, the video game industry honored his passing -- free "Thriller" downloads on Xbox Live, Battlefield Heroes costumes, and a full on recreation of "Smooth Criminal" using Rag Doll Kung Fu's engine. Today, less than a full week after the singer's death, his production company (MJJ Productions) confirmed to MCVUK that a game starring Jackson and featuring his music has been in production at MJJ for "several months" and is purportedly on schedule to release "this holiday season."

Though no definitive "yes" or "no" has been given on the game's release (or any info on the developer, publisher, or the game itself), reports say the game contains recent voice recordings by the singer. The closest we get to actual information on the game's release window is, "I am sure it will still be released ... Michael loved games," by way of an MJJ Productions rep. Here's hoping it's more Moonwalker and less Space Channel 5 -- but then, that's just how we get down.

[Via Industry Gamers]

There's a lot of excitement around the iPhone game market these days, what with people making lots of money and investing so little to do so. EA has apparently opened up a studio (without saying a peep about it) named "8lb Gorilla," simultaneously announcing the upcoming Zombies & Me for Apple's mobile platform. Unlike the recent emphasis on bringing major franchise ports to the handheld, 8PG will supposedly be focusing on the sub-$3 market, and thusly, more bite-sized game experiences.

According to Touch Arcade, Zombies & Me features quick, motion-controlled gameplay that testers could understand "within 5-10 seconds." Set during the apocalypse, the government is dropping missles and you're tasked with guiding zombies in as large a group as possible into a nearby explosion -- the folks at 8PG say it's set to release "very soon." EA is apparently targeting to release something from the "twenty-something year old developers" once a month, pending App Store approval. Looks like even the big guys are jumping on the low-priced iPhone app bandwagon cash train.

Update: We were contacted by Nielsen Entertainment to remove the leaked image, and we obliged (though at this point, a good Google search will help you find what you're looking for). They also asked us to remove the story, adding just a little bit more credence to the rumor. Considering the source, we're guessing the images were part of a Nielsen poll to see how people would react to Lara's new look, and to see what they thought of the few gameplay details which were revealed. For what it's worth, we think it sounds awesome! Original story is below.

We're usually pretty hesitant when it comes to accepting the testimony of moles at face value, but this story's got a bit of credibility -- some underground agent, working in conjunction with Four Player Co-Op, snagged some supposed screengrabs of concept art and details for a new Tomb Raider game. According to the text accompanying the art, Lara's new adventure will be open-world, will feature a reworked combat system and -- most importantly -- will serve as an origin story for the young heiress.

Anonymity breeds contempt in the gaming news world -- however, this report is supported by four pieces of news that have dropped in the past two months:

1. Eidos' president said the next Tomb Raider game will "reinvigorate the franchise."
2. Crystal Dynamics is hiring folks to work on an installment in a "AAA franchise."
3. Toby Gard, the series' creator, is leading a design group for an "unannounced project."
4. Eidos is terrible at keeping its secret games under wraps.

As prestigious cartoons such as the Muppets and Looney Toons have categorically proven in the past, the baby-fication of an animated franchise makes that franchise at least eleven times more popular. For example -- people flipped over GG-Guys' youthful look at Valve's hit multiplayer shooter, titled "Team Fortress 2 Babies." It won last weeks WeeWebWrap with a staggering 593 votes. Seriously, check us out. We're staggered.

Second and third place went to 2P Start's "Mega Man's Workout" and Brawl in the Family's "Mountain Cracks," respectively. If you want one of your favorite strips -- or one of your own -- to show up in today's wrapup, hit us up with a link! Just drop it in the comments, hit up our tipline, or send off a carrier pigeon. It should know where to find us.

The Texas Medical Center reports that the U.S. Army recently awarded a $3.7 million grant to Alexander Prokhorov, M.D., Ph.D.,to develop an anti-smoking video game for Army personnel. But, in its infinite wisdom, the U.S. Army failed to realize there's already a game that can help you quit smoking: Pokémon.

Regardless, the Army has a really big problem with smoking, as Prokhorov says "tobacco use rates in the Army are alarming – 38 percent of service members smoke cigarettes and 15 percent use smokeless tobacco." Those are alarming rates indeed, but hey, if we had some Gunnery Sergeant screaming in our face, we'd probably turn to smoking too.